Monday, March 28, 2011


Dear You, I'm sorry i'm not one to reciprocate the same kind of actions & words that you do & say. I'm confused, & i've been hurt multiple times to a degree unimaginable. I'm not one to get close to people quickly, anymore. I used to, i use to be innocent, free, & willing to connect with anyone & everyone on a level that would make everyone my deep, close friend. You may never know it's you. I could say "it's your blue eyes & blonde hair that got me!" but you wouldn't know if it's actually you, or someone else entirely. You're someone I have a crush on, take heed to my words when i say that you're a great person, & it's a terrible tragedy that my fear of being let down, my trust issue, & having to suffer pain again, has led me to keep myself in silence, to make me push everything & everyone away when i realize hints may be put out there. I'm not one of those girls who sticks around, & is the 2nd person in a equation where you have to figure out who you like more. Either i'm your everything, or nothing. Even though i am horrible at figuring out what i am feeling exactly.. The reason i can be so demanding (if i am), is because that's how i treat those who i like. Yes, you're a mere crush right now, but i like you with each new day. Because with each new day, i learn something new, something more about you. So, crush of mine, you may never know if it's really you i'm not the best judge when it comes to knowing if i should trust someone enough to let them. So, my blue eyed, blonde haired crush, if one day you find out it's you i'm talking to, look back on this. You're a funny guy, you're kind, you're sweet, you've got a great personalilty, you always treat me better than i deserve & you have such a strong testimony. I'm not even sure you like hanging out with me when we do have the chance to...but that's just because of my fear. While people love to be around you, i was told that people couldn't STAND to be around me. Who knows eh? What a juvenille term CRUSH is...oh well... -Whitney

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Disease called Perfection:

(The majority of this article was written by a man. I just took out some things & add some of my own words to it)
Perfection: a beautiful fairy-tale that leaves you hating yourself.
As a warning, the following post was written in complete desperation. I have recently learned some very sobering truths from people that I love dearly. These truths have set in motion a quest within me to do whatever I can to make a change. Today is not geared at funny. Today is geared at something greater. I promise after reading this, you will be affected in a way you have always needed to be.
I wonder. Am I the only one aware that there is an infectious mental disease laying siege on us right now? There is a serious pandemic of "Perfection" spreading, and it needs to stop. Hear me out because this is something for which I am passionately and constantly hurting. It's a sickness that I've been trying to put into words for years without much success. It's a sickness that I have personally struggled with. It's a sickness that at times has left me hiding in dark corners and hating myself.
And chances are it's hit you too. What is the disease called "Perfection"? Perhaps a list of its real-life symptoms will help you better understand it. We live in communities where people feel unconquerable amounts of pressure to always appear perfectly happy, perfectly functional, and perfectly figured. "Perfection" is much different than perfectionism. The following examples of "Perfection" are all real examples If you actually stop to think about some of these, you will cry as I did. If you don't, maybe you're infected with way too much of this "Perfection" infection.
-"Perfection" is a wife who feels trapped in a marriage to a lazy, angry, small man, but at soccer practice tells the other wives how wonderful her husband always is.
-"Perfection" is a husband who is belittled, unappreciated, and abused by his wife, yet works endlessly to make his marriage appear incredible to those around him.
-"Perfection" is a daughter with an eating disorder that keeps it hidden for years because she doesn't want to be the first among her family and friends to be imperfect. She would give anything to confront it, but she can't because then the "Perfect" people would hate her as much as she hates herself for it.
-"Perfection" is a couple drowning in debt, but who still agree to that cruise with their friends because the words "we don't have the money" are impossible ones to push across their lips.
-"Perfection" is a mom hating herself because she only sees that every other mom around her is the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and the perfect neighbor. What this mom doesn't know is that Mrs. Jones is also at home crying right now because the pressure to be "Perfect" never lets up.
-"Perfection" is a dad hating himself because he can't give the same thing to his kids that other dads do, and then hates himself further because he takes his self-loathing out on his kids behind closed doors. You know what would have been nice? If you were never born. Do you realize how much money I'd have right now?
-"Perfection" is a child hating herself because the boys at school call her fat, and when she goes home she tells her mom that school was fine. Her mom never stops to question why her daughter doesn't have any friends, because her mom doesn't want to think that anything might be less than "Perfect".
-"Perfection" is a woman who is so overwhelmed that she thinks about killing herself daily. "Perfection" makes it so that she never will because of the things people will think if she does. How could I make my suicide look like an accident? If I kill myself, I don't want anybody knowing that I ever had any problems. She never stops to look at why she wants to do it, because healing means admitting imperfection.
-"Perfection" is a man who everybody heralds as perfect, and inside he is screaming to be seen as the faulty human being that he always has been.
I could go on. This is all a small sampling of the disease called "Perfection". You have brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, extended family members, neighbors, friends, and children who are ALL these things, yet none of us will ever know. "Perfection" is a hideous monster with a really beautiful face. And chances are you're infected. The good news is, there is a cure….. Be real!! Embrace that you have weakness. Because everybody does. Embrace that your body is not perfect. Because nobody's is. Embrace that you have things you can't control. We all have a list of them.
Here's your wake-up call:
You aren't the only one who feels worthless sometimes.
You aren't the only one who took your frustrations out on someone today.
You aren't the only one who isn't making enough money to support your lifestyle.
You aren't the only one who has questions about your religion.
You aren't the only one who sometimes says things that really hurt other people.
You aren't the only one who feels trapped in your marriage or relationship.
You aren't the only one who gets down and hates yourself and you can't figure out why.
You aren't the only one who hates your body.
You aren't the only one that can't control yourself around food.
The cure is so simple. …Be real!! Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you. Once you cure yourself of the disease, others will come to you, asking if they can just "talk". People are desperate to talk. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will tell you of some of the greatest struggles going on. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will break down in tears as they tell you how difficult life is for them. Turns out some of the most "perfect" people around us are human beings after all, and are dying to talk to another human being about it. You'll love them for it. And you'll love yourself even more.
**Let's not forget this quote: "I went out to find a friend and could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere." Somebody who is being a friend doesn't spread "Perfection". Somebody who is being a friend spreads "Real". Then, and only then, can we all grow together.
I am not perfect, nor do I want anybody to think of me as such. Here's my dose of real:
-I once sat in my bedroom crying uncontrollably because I felt like everybody thought I was fat and ugly. I was a full grown woman.
-There are some people I avoid bumping into in public because I feel like I'm not as good as them.
-I judge people harshly who share the same features that I hate about myself.
-Sometimes I'm sad. Sometimes I'm not funny. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Sometimes I stay at home on a weekend because I just don't want to see the "Perfection" going on around me. Sometimes I want to drop-kick a perfect person's head across the room.
"Perfection" infects every corner of society. It infects our schools. It infects neighborhoods. It infects our workplaces. This is not to say that there aren't a lot of genuinely, happy people. I am one of those people. Most of the time. There is nothing more beautiful than a person finding true happiness in who they are and what they believe. No, this is not me trying to diminish the happiness in others. This is merely me pathetically attempting to put a face on a problem that I see everywhere but few people ever notice.
{this last paragraph was all taken from the man who wrote the perfection article}
This is me, weeping as I write, asking the good people of the world to find somebody to put their arm around and be "real". This is me, wishing that people would realize how beautiful they are, even with all of their imperfections. This is me, sad and desperate for the girls in this world to love themselves. This is me, a very imperfect man, trying to help others feel a little more perfect by asking you to act a little less perfect.