Thursday, January 8, 2015

In the hands of the Lord

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here but I am finally ready to share this news & I felt like this was the perfect place to do it so I can have it documented in a permanent place. I am not posting this to get attention by any means I just need to get it off my chest!
This all happened about 3 months ago. I found out I was pregnant (8 1/2 weeks to be exact).  I had taken 2 pregnancy tests just to be 100% sure, both of which were positive & life was great Adam & I were both thrilled!  I wanted to wait a while until I was further along to share the news with family & friends. I woke up a few days later & I had begun to bleed. I didn't get too nervous but thought I would just wait it out a few more days to see if it would stop. Three days later I was still bleeding super heavy so I made an appointment with my doctor & had a pregnancy test ran/lab work done. The test came back negative & the labs showed that i was indeed having a miscarriage. I was devastated!!  Now I wasn’t going to be able to announce a pregnancy but i was going to need to tell family that I was going through a miscarriage! The bleeding continued a few more days & then I started cramping for a few more days after that. I wasn’t going to tell lots of people about this due to its very personal nature but I have had way to many people lately telling me that I should already be pregnant because my kids won’t be two years apart anymore or that I needed to have more kids asap. Each & every time my heart breaks & it’s like the wounds are re-opened again!! I wish so bad I was still pregnant & that a baby would be joining our family in June  but there is not & I have finally come to terms with that! I absolutely hate to feel needy or talk to people about personal issues, especially ones very near & dear to my heart. This miscarriage made me broken! I know that I could have done a better job of seeking out support or someone to talk to (especially family-mom, sisters, etc) but at the time, it hurt too bad. I would recommend anyone who has a miscarriage find someone to talk to, don’t bottle it up inside like I did! You are not alone-others have experienced the same thing. In the very beginning I didn’t tell many people about the miscarriage. I told immediate family & my best friend. I guess I was just scared of breaking down & crying in front of others when telling them. I took this picture from a friend who also went through a similar experience. It really tells it like it is.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me push pass this trial in my life & become a stronger person! I am also grateful that my testimony of the power of prayer has grown as I have pleaded with the Lord to help comfort me & bring me back to my normal self. I have faith that Heavenly Father will help our family grow in His own time as for now we will patiently wait for that & enjoy every minute with our perfect family of three!! 

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